What Is The Cost Of Transition?

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Many people think that their life is going to improve, that somehow everything is going to like magic become better. Why is it that we are lead to believe this? Is it all the videos, and documentaries that tout the notion that once you get cosmetic surgery, your life is going to improve? Is that all we are this fleshy existence, based on mirrors, and validation?


People believe that somehow taking cross-sex hormones and blockers are going to magically change our chromosomes, and who biologically we truly are? I know many of us want to hide in the facade of this new found solution, that has no substance. I know I did, and now I am paying for it. I have not been able to lead a meaningful life, everything has been based on lies. I got married as “man” twice when in reality, I am biologically a female. How does this system allow these things to take place? I lost everything, my singing voice, my beautiful long hair, my career, and self-worth. I was an imposter, a made-up character that performed on stage.


We are allowing people to live a lie, and are creating a platform that welcomes behaviors that destroy people’s life. Families are broken up, people’s health destroyed, and in the end, we are right back where we started from. People are telling me not to be hard on myself, and I get it. But how can I not reprimand myself for allowing my life to be turned upside down the way I did. I need to grieve, I need to understand what has just happened. I need others to see this for what it is.

I have witnessed many deaths, destruction of families, people doing what they claim is making them happy, to turn around and watch their lives fall apart. People actually commit suicide after transition.  This is no joke, and frankly, it is getting rather serious when we are seeing the number of clinics skyrocket, the number of teens and children who are coming out as trans has tripled in the last couple of years.

I am furious, I am angry, I am beside myself, and I need to speak up. The last 4 years being married to a trans woman, has made me realize how much I actually despise the agenda. Prior to that, I had 2 other trans girlfriends, living so close and personal to this life, has allowed me to fully understand the vitriol involved in this self-consuming, self-loathing environment and workings of this, that claims to be a lifesaver for many.

I don’t see it, I see the opposite, I see death, destruction, delusion, and disrespect. I see characters at play, but please, don’t take it personally, these are my opinion and lived experience. I don’t mean to hurt anyone with my words, but right now, I need to express, you may not agree with me, and I understand, but I am still going to speak my truth.

Transitioning cost me everything, and if I could do it differently I would. I don’t want to hear that I was not trans enough, there is no such thing. Gender confusion has many faces, and many reasons and people need to hear the truth. People should not be silenced because they are not signing the party tune. There are many who are detransitioning and are realizing what is going on, and what is going on is that we have been sold a lie.

I want my 16 years back, I feel like I have just got out of jail and was sentenced unjustly.



To be continued



About Maritza Cummings

Maritza is walking the path of healing, Maritza is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer, Life Coach, Spiritual Adviser, and Occupational Therapist, I have taken wellness one step further. If you enjoy my work feel free to donate via google pay: email to use is markangelocummings@yahoo.com or become a patreon https://www.patreon.com/maritzacummingslives
This entry was posted in desisting, detransitioning, ftm, lgbt, trans man, transgender issues, and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to What Is The Cost Of Transition?

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